So the other day, I was scrolling through Instagram (as I do when I’m in procrastination mode), and I saw the following post made by Sprudge (a news company focused on the world of coffee):
Now, a couple of years ago, I would have immediately seen it for the joke that it is, but considering all the weird shit Trump says on any given day, I had to open up Google to make sure this wasn’t some backwards attack on Millennials and our “liberal propaganda” or whatever. As I typed in the search words “cold brew enemy” though, Google, of course, offered some suggestions, one of which made me pause and almost forget what I was searching for in the first place.
That suggestion? Cold brew enema.
I was stunned. Do people actually search for that? And if they do, why? What kind of new, horrifying hipster trend is this?
So I did a little research. Turns out that coffee enemas have been a thing for a while. Back in the early 1900s, it was claimed by a German-American doctor, named Max Gerson, that the “treatment” could get rid of toxins and provide nutrients, helping with issues such as constipation, parasites, depression, and cancer by way of the liver.
Today’s scientists will tell you that there is no proof to those claims. In fact, all we know for certain about coffee enemas is that they can lead to death. Seriously, there is one confirmed death due to infection and then two due to severe electrolyte imbalance. Having a coffee enema can cause all sorts of other issues as well, such as colitis, rectal perforation, and heat failure. The procedure has become so concerning that even the FDA has required that all research involving living participants come with a warning.
So I love coffee and all, and I like to include it in many aspects of my life, but when it comes to squirting it up my ass, well, it’s a hard pass. And by the sounds of it, you should pass on it too.
Just say no.
This has been a PSA.
The one and the only Pookachino
QUICK UPDATE: So while I was in the Pinterest Black Hole after writing this post, I came across some pins about the show My Strange Addiction on TLC, and curious, I decided to do a little more research into the various addictions that were discussed. To my surprise, I found out that one of the episodes followed a couple who were addicted to coffee enemas. I almost died. Seriously, y’all. Just stay away!